It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
they're like a gay fantastic four
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Randomize
