we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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