Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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