its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
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