Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
