Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
