In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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