singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
