god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
