Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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