Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
