super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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