Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
