Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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