So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
