Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
