If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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