Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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