Sponge bath it is.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize