It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Sober January is a disaster.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
