i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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