she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
