i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize