i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize