so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
