I got chris browned last night
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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