Do you still have your period?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
