Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
