Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
