he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
