I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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