Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Sorry about my life...
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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