Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize