Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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