Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
