Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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