wakey wakey hands off snakey
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
