Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
