do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
and she was petting her beer can
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
