I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
