Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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