I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
