four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
