Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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