I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
