seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
