can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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