trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
