I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
