I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
