rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
