do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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