Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
