I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
