This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
