dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
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