last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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