i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize