What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
