my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
