This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
