If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
