Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
