Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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