Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
