I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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