Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
