whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
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