Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
So I just went to clothing optional bar
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
