He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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