I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
