Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
